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QUOTES BY W. C. Fields

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'The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.'


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'Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.'


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'When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.'


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'Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?'


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'I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.'


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'Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.'


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'All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.'


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'Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.'


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'I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.'


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'Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.'


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'I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.'


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'I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.'


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'I like children - fried.'


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'Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.'


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'I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.'


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'When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.'


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'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.'


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'Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.'


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'Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.'


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'All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.'


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'A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.'


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'It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.'


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'Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.'


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'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.'


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'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.'


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'There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.'


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'Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.'


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'You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.'


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'No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.'


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'Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.'


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'All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.'


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'I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.'

 

 

 

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